Thursday, October 10, 2013

Finding the Key to Happiness Part 3: Stop Worrying So Much About Other People Think

     We all share a deep rooted need to be accepted into our current peer group and therefore conform to certain cultural norms.  This has been true for many years and remains true today.  In fact, one of the worst punishments throughout history was not necessarily death, but banishment.  Nobody wanted to be trotted out to the woods all by their lonesome with a big scarlet "A" on their chest.  We are social creatures and need human interaction and acceptance in order to survive.  So, we all conform to the rules, which is probably good so nobody is walking around naked or going to a business meeting dressed like a clown.  However, too much conformity isn't always a good thing and can hinder our road to true happiness.  Many of the great artists, scientists, and innovators would probably be considered non-conformists, because in order to truly come up with original ideas, designs, inventions, or whatever, one must not be afraid to bend the rules.  We also have in our culture a deep fear of being ridiculed and laughed at.. I guess our fear of actual physical banishment has been replaced by a great fear of social banishment.  Nobody wants to be the outcast.  I read a great book recently called "The  Eighty Dollar Champion" by Elizabeth Letts.  It is the true story of a Dutch immigrant in post-WWll era New York, who bought a horse for $80 off a truck bound for the slaughterhouse and discovered, quite by accident, that he had a great talent for jumping.  When he first started showing up at the prestigious east coast show jumping circuit, people laughed at him.  People laughed out loud in front of him where he could see them.  They laughed because the world of equestrian show jumping oozes with money and privilege, and Harry and his plow horse stuck out like a sore thumb.  Why was he able to ignore them?  Because despite his humble appearance, Harry was a talented horseman who saw something in this horse that others did not.  Of course, as the story goes, people stopped laughing when Harry and his horse, Snowman, went on to defeat Olympic riders and horses worth thousands of dollars to win the most coveted show jumping titles.  How different would his story have been if he didn't try because he knew he would be laughed at?  I do believe that kind of fear very often keeps us from pursuing our own happiness.  I often hear people say they don't want to try dance classes because they will "feel stupid".  So what?  Even if you feel like you are the worst one in the class and everything makes you feel awkward, so what?  If it is something you really want learn, do it.  We only have one life, might as well make the best of it.
One of my own non-conformist moments cam last week, when I broke out my hula hoop and practiced my hoop dance moves on Main St.  Why did I do this?  Because I have been trying to practice more, I was busy that day, and my daughter was taking an art class nearby, so I had a bit of free time, but had to stay close by.  Now, I live in a somewhat conservative town, so the sight of someone hooping on the Main St. is not exactly common.  Out of the corner of my eye I saw some people staring out their car windows and quite frankly, I was so wrapped up in my hooping that I just didn't care.  Some of them probably though I was really weird.  Don't care.  It can be very freeing to just not worry so much about what people think.  I challenge you to try it.  No, don't go to your business meeting dressed in a clown costume, but don't be afraid to be yourself, be a little different, wear something a little different, or stray away from the crowd.  You will feel happier not being so afraid to do what you truly love, and live you life to the fullest.